Pursuing their dreams ruined me forever!

I was waiting for them at the corner of 48th and 6th St. It appeared that they had just checked one off their bucket list. We were visiting New York city with my parents on a “once in a lifetime” trip six years ago. My two boys had just spent the afternoon in the historical music row on 48th street strumming guitars and testing out keyboards in the music stores. I caught this moment through my lens not realizing the power of that particular moment, until now.

Fast forward to their university applications and acceptance letters, this is where I received the terrifying blow! The conversations became real when my children began to say they would pursue dreams I was not able to fund.  They decided to enter through doors I couldn’t  open, follow a path I had never walked, and walk on sidewalks I had never seen. This is where uncertainty slithered in. If I couldn’t grasp a guarantee or see a clear dotted line, I automatically assumed we had detoured. Up until now, all risks and dreams were encouraged as long as they didn’t stretch me too far beyond my abilities nor blur beyond the visible horizon. Neither one of my sons had mercy, though. These two boys took God to His word and proceeded to tread through unknown territory. They knew we couldn’t make it happen, but GOD could. They were aggressive to follow their dreams. Little did they know they would ruin me forever.

Let me share what I found ruined in the aftermath… these are the things that will no longer return to their previous state. God destroyed these strongholds in me and I am forever glad he did.

1. My eyes were ruined: My eyes could no longer be trusted. As we proceeded to redeem what the enemy tried to steal generations ago, I learned I had to trust God with all my heart. I could not longer walk by sight but walk by faith. Every day!!! There were those days when nothing around me appeared to support God’s plans, but I know my GOD is “the one that calls the  things that do not yet exist as though they already do.” Romans 4:17
2. My mind was ruined: God ordered a funeral for my traditions and old way of thinking. Whether I wanted to or not, I had to roll the stone over the sepulcher where my thoughts, fears, and old patterns of thinking were laid. God had to rid me of these elements. They were a threat that could blur and hinder the agenda for His Kingdom and he ordered me to renew my mind. Romans 12:2. My old way of doing things, solving problems, and traditions were no longer fit for the new place He was taking us to.
3. My hands were given a new assignment: The very same hands that carried and fed these boys were now told to change jobs. God said, “Lift up your hands and praise me…I will no longer need your hands on this one… I got this.” This was so new and so raw to me! I knew I had to let go and let GOD! It had been easy with other things, other projects, other petitions, but these were my boys! God pointed me to Jochebed, Moses’ mom. She let go of the basket in the crocodile infested waters. God pried her fingers loose from the vessel and whispered in her ear, “I got this.” She had to let go and so did I.

My prayer for you as a friend, sister, and mother is that you allow yourself, your children and your spouse to dream beyond their boundaries. Maybe God will stir you up a bit or a lot like he did me. Nevertheless, let God align you and them with His vision, His projects, and His agenda. He’s got this!

In a few short days, my oldest will be returning to Cornell University in upstate New York and my younger son will be starting at New York University in the very city we thought we were just visiting and passing through. This small town mom that grew up on the border and became the first to graduate from high school, never expected God to take them that high.  I get chills when I look at this picture taken years ago while they were in middle school. I had no idea what God was stirring up and sowing in their hearts. I like to think that I captured that very moment.